A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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