I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
