So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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