i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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