he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
