The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
