he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
