I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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