I have demons in me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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