Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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