the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
