dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
