So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
