my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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