i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
