and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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