Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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