'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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