Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
