What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
