Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
