You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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