Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
