Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
