I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
