I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
