i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am one with the molecules
I need a beard to bite.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
