i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
