in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
