so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
