did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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