is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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