I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
