my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You can't special order awesome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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