No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
