your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
