Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
