dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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