Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He did a backflip because drugs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
