And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
