And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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