I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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