After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
