i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
