the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
