Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
