What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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