I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
