Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
