how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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