My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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