I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
