toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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