I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
